i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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