The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
