You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
