So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
