Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
