Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize