So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
