I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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