He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
