Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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