I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize