addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
