Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
