So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
