i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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