Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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