Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
