What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
