Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
