I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
