i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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