nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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