i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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