omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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