his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
