just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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