I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
the day after is always just damage control
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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