Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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