Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
