Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",

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(224): View more from Illinois

U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.

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(765): View more from Indiana

He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.

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(951): View more from California

I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.

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(970): View more from Colorado

He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...

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(613): View more from Ontario

The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.

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(719): View more from Colorado

OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY

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