went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize