dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We got so high we made milksteak
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
