Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
