Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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