I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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