whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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