Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
