I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
And then he peed in my hair
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