Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
