Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
