This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
