You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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