Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
