I love black thongs
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
