Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize