I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
