Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
