Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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