i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think I sprained my soul last night
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
