need another drink. this is the easiest way
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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