listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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