I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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