The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
