I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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