Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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