youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
