we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
