he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
