goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
