grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
