i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
