You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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