go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
