I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize