stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize