Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He passed out mid-signature
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
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