so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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