You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize